Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He kissed a someone with a penis
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I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
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Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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