It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My bed smells like the plague
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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