did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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