I love black thongs
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
