so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
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If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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