There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
be right there i have to get my cape
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
