We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's shark week go big or go home
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