we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
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Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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