We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
