You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
