we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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