you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
