I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
