I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
