You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i think i just lost a toe
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
