No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
