Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
