Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
