i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
