I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize