the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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