Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
