hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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