i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
