yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
