I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
