she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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