fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
