Swine flu. Run for my life!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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