whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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