We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
