i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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