I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
