Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
