The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
