ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
