I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize