you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
