The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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