She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
