he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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