My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
