i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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