well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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