"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
