Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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