Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
