I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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