so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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