Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize