The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
