Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
