Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
two words: eviction party
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
