I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
