I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize
