um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
