But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
