if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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