Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize